Fourth of July

Growing up I enjoyed the Fourth of July. It was a time for some family fun. I have fond memories of boat outings and sightseeing trips. As a teenager my brothers and I made it a tradition to go watch an action movie in theaters.

Unfortunately, a lot of that magic has been lost since I became an adult. I still appreciate the purpose of the holiday, of course. You gotta be a Michelle Obama-esque America-hater not to enjoy the celebration of our nation's very existence. But while I maintain my love for the reason for the season, I don't appreciate the way a lot of people choose to celebrate it.

I simply do not understand why lighting things on fire, making tiny, unimpressive explosions, and littering your neighbors' yards with the resulting trash is a great way of celebrating the nation's independence. Uggh.

A few years back - this was 2003 I think - I had a run-in with a neighbor that pretty much solidified my position on this topic. This was back when Cara and I lived in Monroe, WA. Our house was in a cul-du-sac and apparently it was a tradition amongst our neighbors to light off fireworks in the street until the wee hours of the morning. At about 1am I finally got fed up with it and went outside to ask the group to shut it down and go to bed. City ordinances said that fireworks had to be wrapped up by 11pm, so I felt I was making a legitimate request.

Long story short, one hot-headed neighbor didn't appreciate my request and came bolting over to my driveway to explain his position. Mind you, this guy was about 6'2" 245lbs to my 6'0" 170lbs so I wasn't exactly looking to exchange blows with him. But he felt the need to explain his pyromania to me from about 2 inches away. I hope I never have that much of another man's saliva spattered on my face ever again. Blech.

Anyway, if your weekend plans involve some form of firemaking, have fun and be safe. Just know that I'll be somewhere else, doing something else, with someone else. So enjoy. And God Bless America.

Rules of Utah driving

After living in Utah for 5 months Cara and I are finally going to get our driver's licenses. We haven't gone to get them yet because we're worried about failing the written test. There seem to be so many new driving rules to learn!

So to prepare, we're studying up on the surprisingly large number of Utah-only driving rules. Here are a few of them:

1. On a 4 lane highway, the speed limit is also the minimum allowed speed. The expected speeds for each lane are, from right to left: +0mph, +5mph, +15mph, Mach2, and +0 in the carpool lane.
2. When a car passes you on the left, immediately speed up by 5mph greater than the speed of the would-be passer.
3. A Red light is actually Yellow for its first 3 seconds.
4. Lines drawn in the parking lot are completely arbitrary and thus ought to be ignored. Feel free to invent your own driving lanes.
5. Backing out of a parking spot is dangerous - don't do it unless you absolutely must. Instead, pull forward.
6. Neighborhood roads are very wide one-lane roads.
7. Construction zones are annoying. Get through them as quickly as possible.
8. The appropriate amount of following distance is calculated thus: 0-80mph = 1 foot per 10 mph; 81+mph = 1 car length per Mach #.
9. When a car's turning signal comes on, that is a clear indicator that the car's driver thinks you are a sissy. Immediately accelerate to close the gap between you and the car in front of you and show the other driver who the sissy is now.
10. Don't ever use your signal. People will think you're a sissy.
11. Pedestrians never have the right of way. Imagine they are orange cones. This makes every parking lot become a slalom course.
12. Your half of the center is my "buffer zone."
13. Always use the left lanes to pass. Or the right lanes.
14. When in doubt, weave.

Lemming Flu

Unless you're living under a rock, you've heard of a contagious disease that has affected people in Mexico and elsewhere in the world. The WHO and CDC are calling it an "outbreak" and the media is using words like "pandemic" and "crisis" and "emergency" with increasing frequency.

What is this horrible malady that warrants an "emergency response" from the CDC? What disease has shut down dozens of schools across the United States, grounded flights across the globe, and been the top story on every news medium in America?

It's the flu, of course.

I must be missing something. What exactly is it about this bug that should concern me? Has anyone answered that question? Have they told us anything that can be interpreted as "be afraid, this disease will maim and kill your family"? Personally, I haven't heard anything to that effect.

Now I don't want to sound callous as I say this, but an illness that infects a couple thousand people and kills a few hundred in Mexico does not worry me much. It's a 2nd world country for crying out loud! People there don't have access to medical treatment the way we do here. The people who are catching this thing here aren't dying because they're being treated and besides, the symptoms of this bug are NOT BAD! It's the flu!

According to CDC, here are the symptoms:

"The symptoms of H1N1 flu in people are similar to the symptoms of regular human flu and include fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills and fatigue."

Oooh, scary. It's the FLU!! I don't know about you, but I get the flu every other year. In fact, it just worked it's way through my entire family. Big woop. I'm certainly not going to build my life plans around it. Why should this shut down a school, honestly?

Bottom line, I refuse to be a lemming. Someone somewhere decided that this is newsworthy and the next thing you know it's an epidemic of catastrophic proportions. I just don't buy it. Not without some proof.

Of course, I could be dead wrong about this. This could turn out to be a tragedy and I'll have to eat my words. But shouldn't we wait until there's some indication that this is worth worrying about? At this point all we know is that it's the flu and that its symptoms and treatment are the same as for the common flu. It's also contagious, but again, what exactly is the big deal?

I for one am not going to live in fear for no good reason.