I'm still a man, right?

I watched a movie today that made me cry. Well, technically my eyes just got a little watery. No actual tears appeared, but it was darn close. This sort of thing is, I assure you, a very rare occurrence. In fact, I can think of only two other movies - Schindler's List and Charly - which evoked this level of emotion inside of me. Hopefully this doesn't mean that my man-ness isn't on the decline. After all, after two days I was winning our office mustache-growing contest. That's proof enough, isn't it?

The reason I'm blogging about this isn't necessarily to show my tender side. Rather, I feel the need to explain it because it was such a surprise. I never would have guessed that this particular movie would choke me up.

The movie is Valkyrie, Tom Cruise's recent drama flick. It chronicles the last and most famous assassination attempt on Hitler's life made by German citizens. I hadn't intended to even watch the movie since I more or less already knew the about this unsuccessful coup, but more so because I think Cruise is a loony and I hate most of his self-promoting movies. Aside from Last Samurai, I can't think of any Cruise movie I've ever really enjoyed. Regardless, I got the movie from Netflix and watched it this evening.

Long story short, I enjoyed the movie. I found it to be a very compelling drama and a fascinating "what-would-you-do ?" character study. However, it wasn't until the credits rolled that I felt a knot in my throat. Up until then it was just a story. But there at the very end - after seeing or being told the fate of each of the key conspirators - it hit me. And here is what it was:

These men gave their lives for the greater good of their fellow men. They had families and they were certain that if the coup failed, not only would they die, but their wives and children would suffer as well. But they chose to do it anyway, because it was the right thing to do.

They knew, as did virtually everyone at the time, that it was only a matter of time before the Third Reich would be gone. The writing was on the wall, so to speak. They could have taken the easy way out and simply waited until someone else fixed their problem for them. Or they could have taken an even more cowardly position by convincing themselves that they were not in control of their own destiny, or put another way, they had not other choice. Someone else was choosing their destiny for them.

I'll admit, I felt some real emotion and very real admiration for the men and women characterized in that movie. Even if 99% of the story was fabricated or embellished (this was Hollywood afterall) I still have to recognize the sacrifice that they really did make and I thank them for it.

Musings on E3 2009

In case you don't know, E3 is the Electronic Entertainment Expo. It's by far the biggest and most significant trade show for the ever-expanding video game industry. Having been a gaming enthusiast for a few years now (perhaps two full decades) I keep a watchful eye on the yearly E3 spectacle.

If you want a full run-down on the event, check out these sites:
http://e3.gamespot.com/
http://e3.g4tv.com/e32009/index/
http://e3.ign.com/

I won't bore you with a half-hearted wrap-up, especially since I, yaknow, wasn't there. I'll just give you my thoughts based on all the news I've read and videos I've watched.

First of all, this year's show wasn't half bad. After last year's all-around snoozer, Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo all brought their A game to the floor. Well, their B game anyway. In Sony and Microsoft's case their unveilings of motion-sensing technologies seemed more like a B-movie, but more about that later. All in all the show was great, with equal parts of exciting new hardware, software, and services being shown.

Sequels, sequels, and more sequels. The video game industry has officially gone Hollywood with a slew of sequels and remakes which account for every single major game announcement at the show. It's as if the entire industry has either lost its creative muscle, or it has developed a severe case of risk aversion. The Big 3 (Sony, MSFT, and Ninty) are by far the chief offenders, but big Third party publishers such as EA, Activision and Take Two didn't far any better. In fact, I can't think of a single significant game announcement that was new IP. Not one. If you can think of one, please correct me.

I wish I had the Xbox 360 Arcade. The steady stream of remakes keep on coming to Microsoft's online store. I couldn't care less about the 360 and its core titles, but man am I jealous of the classic games that are being ported and remade on their 360 Arcade. Castlevania: SotN, Bionic Commando, TMNT: Turtles in Time Re-shelled and Perfect Dark. The list keeps going. At least Contra Rebirth is coming to Virtual Console. Sigh.

Me too meets waggle control. It was inevitable, but Sony and Microsoft made belated responses to the venerable (and well established) Wiimote. I kind of think it's too little, too late, but time will tell.

Microsoft's Project Natal is a video-based sensor bar that promises controller-free gaming. When I saw the demo of the guy waving his hands around to "hit" the balls on-screen, I instantly thought of Sega's the Sega Activator, an infrared octagonal controller that read a user's motions as they passed a hand or foot or buttcheeck over the infrared beams projecting up from the ground. That pricey peripheral had a couple of games released for it. I predict a similar fate for MSFT's Neo-Natal add-on. Not because it isn't an exciting new technology deserving of some success. I just can't think of any wildly successful add-on for any gaming console, much less one that was priced about the same as the console itself. I'm looking at you, 32X. And you too 64DD.

While Microsoft's anti-controller was cool, if a bit pie-in-the-sky, Sony's motion controller was pure comedy. Having already botched one release of a pseudo-motion controller, the Sixaxis, Sony dropped the traditional two-handed controller design and essentially took a Wiimote and put a colorful pulsating ping-pong ball on top of it. Seriously. And like Natal, it was essentially vaporware - a technology with attending tech demos. Weeee!

Call me when you've actually got something to show guys.

Oh, and btw, Nintendo also made a motion control announcement, launching a $25 add-on that increases the Wiimote's sensitivity. Somehow I think this one has a chance for success. Maybe.

Nintendo releases a 1.5 release. Wow. That pretty much sums it up for me. Nintendo, to me, is the Disney of video games. They have this market figured out like no one else. It's not even close. But as a gamer, it's absolutely infuriating. What am I talking about, you ask? It is that Nintendo's business model and release schedule look basically amount to this:

1) Launch a new console
2) Release one game per franchise for the system.
3) Sell many, many, many copies of each of these games at full-price for the life of the system.
4) Launch new console. Rinse, repeat.

What this means is that we see a new Mario, Zelda, Metroid, whatever, but once every 5-6 years (the tired Mario Party series being the lone notable exception). This as opposed to everyone else's release schedule which requires that their game franchises see a sequel once ever year, or two years in some extreme cases. For the most part those sequels are nothing more than new levels on the exact same game.

Amazingly, Nintendo announced the forthcoming release of Super Mario Galaxy 2, which Miyamoto admitted is a 1.5/expansion-pack sequel to probably their most significant game of this generation. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I sat that this announcement from Nintendo is a mini-miracle. I'm ecstatic about it! Maybe, just maybe they'll do this sort of thing with some regularity. I'm not holding my breath though - I'll bet you a million yen that it's a one-time occurrence.

Rules of Utah driving

After living in Utah for 5 months Cara and I are finally going to get our driver's licenses. We haven't gone to get them yet because we're worried about failing the written test. There seem to be so many new driving rules to learn!

So to prepare, we're studying up on the surprisingly large number of Utah-only driving rules. Here are a few of them:

1. On a 4 lane highway, the speed limit is also the minimum allowed speed. The expected speeds for each lane are, from right to left: +0mph, +5mph, +15mph, Mach2, and +0 in the carpool lane.
2. When a car passes you on the left, immediately speed up by 5mph greater than the speed of the would-be passer.
3. A Red light is actually Yellow for its first 3 seconds.
4. Lines drawn in the parking lot are completely arbitrary and thus ought to be ignored. Feel free to invent your own driving lanes.
5. Backing out of a parking spot is dangerous - don't do it unless you absolutely must. Instead, pull forward.
6. Neighborhood roads are very wide one-lane roads.
7. Construction zones are annoying. Get through them as quickly as possible.
8. The appropriate amount of following distance is calculated thus: 0-80mph = 1 foot per 10 mph; 81+mph = 1 car length per Mach #.
9. When a car's turning signal comes on, that is a clear indicator that the car's driver thinks you are a sissy. Immediately accelerate to close the gap between you and the car in front of you and show the other driver who the sissy is now.
10. Don't ever use your signal. People will think you're a sissy.
11. Pedestrians never have the right of way. Imagine they are orange cones. This makes every parking lot become a slalom course.
12. Your half of the center is my "buffer zone."
13. Always use the left lanes to pass. Or the right lanes.
14. When in doubt, weave.

Star Trek lessons

I watched Star Trek today and I learned a few things (don't worry, no spoilers):

1. Red matter is awesome.
2. Escaping a black hole's gravity well is not only possible - it can be accomplished by simply dropping some of your cargo. Who knew?
3. Flying into a black hole enables time travel! Woo hoo! No more slingshoting around the sun for me!
4. More fun with black holes - the presence of a black hole less than 1 AU from your current position is fun to watch. Don't worry, you are apparently at no risk of being sucked into the black hole. Niiiice.
5. Romulans love tattoos and green lighting.
6. Romulans also like to perform interrogations while standing in a bathtub.
7. Vulcans live in stalactites.
8. Chekov has mad skills with the transporter - when it suits him. He can lock onto and beam up entangled bodies as they fall at terminal velocity toward a black hole but he can't keep the signal locked onto someone if they slide 3 feet down a slope.
9. Light flares are purdy. People in the future love them so much that they position most of their lighting to point outward from the walls rather than projecting down from the ceiling.
10. Cpt. Kirk is a lousy hand-to-hand combatant.
11. With a '60s muscle car you can outrun a 23rd century police officer on his flying motorcycle.
12. A 24th century mining vessel is pretty much invincible against several armadas-worth of 23rd century warbirds.
13. Bullys are a universal constant. Even on Vulcan.
14. Kirk is a hot head, but that Spock dude is a loose cannon. Shee-oot.
15. Apparently, it is possible to make a good odd-numbered Star Trek movie!

The Most Overrated Games of All Time

I made a blog post a couple of weeks ago about purchasing a PS2 so I could experience games that I had missed as a consequence of my Nintendo snobbery. I've since completed Shadow of the Colossus and God of War and while I enjoyed both games, they didn't quite meet my expectations.

That got me thinking - what are the most overrated or overhyped games of all time? What titles routinely appear on people's "best 100 games of all time" lists despite being so-so compared to their own contemporaries?

Surprisingly, it wasn't a difficult task. I came up with a fair number of them before paring the list down to something manageable. I settled on a list of 13 unlucky but definitely overrated video games.

A caveat before I launch into it the list. Many of the games on this list are good. Fun even. But are they great? I say no. It is my humble opinion that each game on this list, from top to bottom, does not deserve the admiration, the respect, or the emotion that the gaming community affords them.

Without further ado, let's begin:


#13. NiGHTS Into Dreams - Saturn
The Sega Saturn was a 2D workhorse - easily the most powerful 2D video game console of all time. Unfortunately for Sega, the rest of the gaming world had jumped headlong into 3D gaming. A prime example of Sega's desperate scramble to remain relevant, NiGHTS was the first high profile game touted as being "2.5D", meaning that it toed the line between old-fashioned 2 dimensional games and the rising generation of 3 dimensional offerings. Nintendo offered Mario 64, Sony had Crash Bandicoot (who we'll get to in a minute), and Sega responded with NiGHTS.

In a nutshell, NiGHTS boils down to this...use the analog joystick to "fly" across a 2D landscape. Perform loop-de-loops and other tricks to fly through rings and collect stuff. That's...pretty much it.

Novel? Yeah, I suppose so. The sensation of flight is unique for a 2D platformer. But is this a classic gaming experience? Methinks not.

#12. Tomb Raider - Playstation 1
One of the earliest third-person 3D action/adventure games, Tomb Raider was heavy on exploration, puzzle-solving, and gunplay. But let's be real about this. Tomb Raider only had two things going for it. Well, maybe three if you count Lara's butt-cheek hugging khaki shorts that must've been oh-so practical for all that adventuring in the jungle. Yes, this game was all about Lara and her assets. Had she been, say, an aging archaeologist in a fedora hat, would anyone even remember this game? I seriously doubt it.

#11. Metroid - NES
First off, let me say that I am a huge fan of the Metroid mythos. I recognize the brilliance of Super Metroid (though I'm not personally a fan), I enjoyed the GBA Metroid offerings, and I absolutely love Metroid Prime (and Prime 3). That being said, the original Metroid, if we're all being honest with ourselves, is not a good game. Yes, it has a female lead character. Yes, it permits non-linear exploration of your environment. And yes, it has influenced game design in a way few games ever have. Were this a list of "most influencial" games of all time Metroid would almost certainly be near the top. Unfortunately, it's also near the top of this list of "most overrated" games because, it's just not a fun game.

#10. Legend of Zelda - NES
Don't get me wrong, the Legend of Zelda is good game. A great game even, especially for its time. But like Metroid, I feel that ole Zelda is more influential than classic. Have you tried playing it recently? Even for a retro gamer, it's painful to play an adventure game like this without the aid of modern conveniences like a map or a storyline. Again, I'm not saying it's a bad game. All I'm saying is that there's a bigger gap in quality between Zelda1 to Zelda3 than there is between Super Mario Bros to SMB3. It just hasn't aged well in my book.

#9. Donkey Kong Country - SNES
At its core, Donkey Kong Country is a so-so platformer released in an era when so-so platformers were a dime a dozen. What made DKC special was its impressive graphics, made possible using pre-rendered 3D graphics built on very expensive SGI super computers. There's no arguing that the graphics were impressive, but like so many of today's games, Donkey Kong Country's beauty was only skin deep. The game is just plain shallow, from it's floaty, imprecise controls to it's linear and downright boring level designs. DKC also made popular the "percent complete" game design that ranks up there with fetch-quests and rapid tapping as one of my least favorite things to do in a video game. I don't want to collect every stupid banana on every one of these mundane levels, thank your very much. Uggh. Mr. Miyamoto said it best, "Donkey Kong Country proves that players will put up with mediocre gameplay as long as the art is good." Amen to that brother.

#8. Earthbound - SNES
Earthbound is the quintessential cult classic. It's adored by a precious few diehards and unknown to the rest of mankind. Even so, it routinely pops up on lists of "Best RPGs" or even "Best All-Time" lists. I do not understand the fanatical cult following that the game has developed over the years. I've played it and enjoy it, don't get me wrong, but it's in an Ed Wood-sort of way. It's so awkward - so bizarre that I feel compelled to laugh right along with it despite the fact that I don't understand the joke.

Bottom-line: Earthbound is a so-so RPG with awful graphics, a tiny roster of playable characters, a weak battle system, and way out-there storyline. Granted, it has some redeeming qualities, but there's nothing here to fawn over. As the comic book guy might say, "most...overrated RPG...ever."

#7. Shadow of the Colossus - Playstation 2
Shadow of the Colossus is easily one of the best games on this list. But I'm telling you, it doesn't deserve all of the superlatives that are thrown at it. When reviewers discuss the game they use hushed tones as if they're describing Michelangelo's roof of the Sistine Chapel. They speak as if playing SotC is some sort of deeply religious experience. It's a video game for crying out loud! And not an involved one at that.

For those who haven't played it, Shadow of the Colossus is 16 boss battles - nothing more and nothing less. There s literally nothing more to the game. It's like Zelda: Wind Waker with all of the dungeons and towns removed. What's left are the most boring parts of the game (the 10-15 minutes of travel from one place to the next) and the most exciting parts of the game (fighting the boss).

It's fun. It's beautiful. It's an experience. But it's all highly, highly overrated.

#6. Crash Bandicoot - Playstation
Most of the games on this list are good, but not great. Crash, on the other hand, always has been and always will be a horrible video game. First and foremost, Crash is a me-too mascot platformer in the vein of good ole Sonic the Hedgehog. However, while Sonic introduced speed and attitude to the gaming landscape, Crash simply added claustrophobia to the 3D platformer genre. While his contemporaries, most notably Mario 64 and NiGHTS, were encouraging freedom of motion, Crash was busy restricting your movement to a tunnel that was about 3 Crash's tall by 3 Crash's wide. It was like playing Rayman 2 inside of a sewer. Only less fun.

#5. Mortal Kombat - various
Ah yes, Mortal Kombat. One of a gazillion Street Fighter 2-wannabes. It stood out from the crowd for one and only reason - the "fatality." With this new game feature, Mortal Kombat enabled thirteen-year olds everywhere to literally rip each other's heads off. It was the game that launched the ESRB rating system. The game that exposed Nintendo's censorship practices. The game that legitimized palette swapping as a way of adding more playable characters. Oh, and by the way, it was a downright lousy fighting game.

#4. Resident Evil - Playstation 1
To me, Resident Evil was an early 3D action game (read: early = awful) with a fresh new premise, that of survival-horror. I'll admit, playing Resident Evil was a trip - a downright frightening experience. But upon close inspection, any reasonable person will have to admit that the game affixed to that experience is pretty awful.

First and foremost is the infamous tank-like control scheme. The combination of these controls with a fixed camera and variable camera placement made for some of the most frustrating game mechanics ever, especially during RE's numerous tense moments. Without a doubt, this game would have been far more enjoyable as a point-and-click adventure rather than the pseudo-action game that it tried to be.

Less famous but equally horrible was the game's overall poor design. It amounted to a series of nonsensical fetch-quests and lame puzzle-solving. I mean come on...why in the world would a crack covert ops team need to pick locks or find a door key while searching through an abandoned mansion. Kick the darn door down! Shoot the doorknob off! Are you kidding me?

#3. Sonic the Hedgehog - Genesis
Even the most diehard Sonic fan has to admit, in his heart of hearts, that the gameplay in the original is incredibly shallow. He has one move for crying out loud. Jump! Sure, the level designs were good, but for its sheer size (or lack thereof) Sonic the Hedgehog has to be regarded as a fun diversion when compared to its nemesis and chief rival, the mighty Super Mario World. Sonic's twenty-one "acts" simply do not measure up in quantity nor quality to SMW's 96 levels.

No, the continued popularity of this title has less to do with its quality than with its titular character. Like Lara and her polygonal push-up bra, Sonic's fame can primarily be attributed to his toe tapping, bad boy attitude. He was followed by a veritable flood of copycats, from Sparkster (an opossum), to Earthworm Jim (yeah, a worm), to Cool Spot (the 7UP mascot), to Awesome Possum (another opossum) all the way down to Crash Bandicoot (whatever that is). In terms of fun factor, many of his wannabes actually managed to outdo to ole Blue Bomber. It has been said that one of the criterion of greatness is that you are "oft imitated but never duplicated". In that regard, Sonic fails miserably. And that, my friends, is why Sonic is so high up on this list.

#2. Final Fantasy VII - Playstation
I hate this game. Not because it's bad, mind you, but because it is not deserving of all the praise it has received over the years. For the life of me I cannot understand why it has placed in the top 3 of virtually every significant "best games ever" list of the past decade. Again, FFVII isn't a bad game. Bebe's Kids for the SNES was a bad game. But FFVII is all flash and no sizzle. All style with no substance. In more technical terms, it's plagued by horrendous loadtimes, too-frequent random battles, too-long battles, a small roster of playable characters, and a mundane, last-generation battle system. Yes, it ushered in the era of 3D RPGs, but its legacy also includes obnoxious story elements such as the teenage anti-hero brimming with teen angst. We also have FFVII to thank for the gender-bending character designs that continue to plague the RPG genre. And for the seemingly endless FMV sequences. Thanks, but I'll pass.

In my book, FFVI was the "Final" Fantasy.

...And now, for the most overrated, most undeserving game of all time!!!!

#1. Every game ever made for the original Game Boy
That's right. All 626 of these turds can rot in a landfill for all I care. Have you pulled out your old Game Boy recently? Playing any game on it is like staring through a tank of lemonade at a 2-inch black-and-white TV screen on a bright summer day in Phoenix while listening to a broken music box and holding a brick in both hands. How in the world did Nintendo manage to convince us to use this system, much less sell us 1 billion of these games?

Now I realize that it's a bit unfair to blame the software. The real culprit here may be the toaster that we played them on. But even so, every single game on the system is forgettable.

• Super Mario Land? Is that Mario or a flea? And is he really piloting a submarine?
• Donkey Kong Land? Either I need glasses or it's my Game Boy that's seeing double.
• Metroid II? AH, a Metroid with legs! AH, a Metroid that floats like a jellyfish!
• Tetris? Tetris is now on approximately 3 million platforms. This is the second-worst platform to play it on.
• Zelda: Link's Awakening? Actually, this is probably the one and only exception to the rule. This game was pretty darn good.

Long story short, when the DS was released it did not feature backwards compatibility to the Game Boy. Finally, we had met the day when these games would no longer haunt us. Good night, and good riddance to the most overrated 625-chapter "game" of all time.

So there you have it - my painstakingly researched list of the most overrated games ever. May they rest in peace, and may people recognize them for what they truly are, and not for what they believe them to be.

Ainsley the Deep Thinker

I had a wonderful moment with Ainsley today. After getting the girls ready for bed and reading them books, Ainsley said her bedtime prayer. Immediately after finishing, she asked me, "Daddy, why do we finish with 'in the name of Jesus Christ', and why do we start with 'Heavenly Father'?"

What a teaching opportunity! I quickly rehearsed to my captive audience the plan of salvation, explaining that Heavenly Father sent us to Earth to obtain a body and to learn how to master it. I explained that gour bodies are imperfect by virtue of the Fall so we all make mistakes which prevent us from approaching our perfect Heavenly Father. Directly, that is. I explained that because Jesus lived a perfect life and died for us, he made it possible for us to come back into Heavenly Father's presence and made it possible for us to communicate with Him. Jesus is our advocate and so when we pray, He carries our message back to our Father who love us and who wants to hear from us.

Ainsley thought on this for a second and then asked, "So, it's like we call Heavenly Father on the phone and Jesus listens to us, writes it down, and brings the message to Heavenly Father?"

"Yes, Ainsley. I think that's how it works," I told her.

Lemming Flu

Unless you're living under a rock, you've heard of a contagious disease that has affected people in Mexico and elsewhere in the world. The WHO and CDC are calling it an "outbreak" and the media is using words like "pandemic" and "crisis" and "emergency" with increasing frequency.

What is this horrible malady that warrants an "emergency response" from the CDC? What disease has shut down dozens of schools across the United States, grounded flights across the globe, and been the top story on every news medium in America?

It's the flu, of course.

I must be missing something. What exactly is it about this bug that should concern me? Has anyone answered that question? Have they told us anything that can be interpreted as "be afraid, this disease will maim and kill your family"? Personally, I haven't heard anything to that effect.

Now I don't want to sound callous as I say this, but an illness that infects a couple thousand people and kills a few hundred in Mexico does not worry me much. It's a 2nd world country for crying out loud! People there don't have access to medical treatment the way we do here. The people who are catching this thing here aren't dying because they're being treated and besides, the symptoms of this bug are NOT BAD! It's the flu!

According to CDC, here are the symptoms:

"The symptoms of H1N1 flu in people are similar to the symptoms of regular human flu and include fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills and fatigue."

Oooh, scary. It's the FLU!! I don't know about you, but I get the flu every other year. In fact, it just worked it's way through my entire family. Big woop. I'm certainly not going to build my life plans around it. Why should this shut down a school, honestly?

Bottom line, I refuse to be a lemming. Someone somewhere decided that this is newsworthy and the next thing you know it's an epidemic of catastrophic proportions. I just don't buy it. Not without some proof.

Of course, I could be dead wrong about this. This could turn out to be a tragedy and I'll have to eat my words. But shouldn't we wait until there's some indication that this is worth worrying about? At this point all we know is that it's the flu and that its symptoms and treatment are the same as for the common flu. It's also contagious, but again, what exactly is the big deal?

I for one am not going to live in fear for no good reason.